8 Intimacies


Is your relationship truly intimate? How do you know? Well, here are 8 ways you can find out. According to Virginia Satir, if a couple has at least 3 out of the 8, that would be enough to build a strong marriage on.

  1. 1.       Recreational Intimacy:

When you participate in recreational activities – bike riding, working out, hiking etc – do you feel extra bonded with your mate? If so, you may be experiencing Recreational Intimacy.

  1. 2.       Intellectual Intimacy:

When you talk, do you feel like Christmas lights are aglow in your head? That’s the easiest way I know to describe this one. My experience has been that some people confuse intellectual intimacy with academia. To be clear, this isn’t about having the most complex conversations – although you certainly could if that’s what floats your boat. This is about having conversations that engage your mind in a way that few other people can; I’ve often felt like time flies/ceases to matter when I’m with intellectually stimulating people.

  1. 3.       Social Intimacy

When you and your beloved hang out with friends or in other social gatherings, do you experience a special depth and connection to each other?

  1. 4.       Emotional Intimacy

Is your relationship a safe place for both of you to share your emotional selves. When you do share yourselves with each other, does that leave you feeling more secure, loved and safe with your beloved?

  1. 5.       Physical Intimacy

This refers to non-sexual physical closeness. Is it important to you to spend time with your beloved, even when you’re not particularly doing anything of great importance? In those moments of comfortable silence, do you experience a deeper deliciousness to your relationship?

  1. 6.       Aesthetic Intimacy

Do you experience your love and closeness in a deeper way when enjoying beautiful things together? What kind of beautiful things, you ask? How about going to art museums, concerts, etc?

  1. 7.       Sexual Intimacy

The best way I know to explain this one is to say “connected sex”; the kind of sex that feels like a holy experience, lol. Seriously though, connected sex is different from just sex. Think of sexual intimacy as apple pie with ice cream and a cherry on the top, instead of just apple pie. Please note: there can be sex without intimacy + there can also be intimacy without sex. For your sake, DO NOT CONFUSE THE TWO.

  1. 8.       Spiritual Intimacy

Does the pursuit, experience or study of your spiritual beliefs leave you feeling an attachment and closeness to the apple of your eye that’s so deep, you can’t quite describe it?

Now that you’ve had a chance to read through them, what do you think? Does your marriage have what it takes to last? Is that special someone worth waiting for? Fighting for? Is it time to let that almost-special person go? Does this ring true for you or does it sound like a load of hooey? Let a sista know in the comments section J


Satir-inspired Sweet Satisfaction


Well, I just spent two weeks ensconced in a Virginia Satir training course. Quite possibly the best trainer ever – Jennifer – flew over from Canada to teach us what has been a life-altering way to view and treat myself and my clients. Satir believed in being real with yourself and your clients; it goes to reason that if you can’t love thyself, you really cannot love your client. If you cannot have unconditional positive regard for yourself, then you cannot have it for your client. In case you didn’t know, “unconditional positive regard” is and should be standard operating procedure for a therapist. Any therapist that doesn’t extend this most basic humanity to a client is precisely the kind of therapist you should stay far faaaaar away from.
It would be impossible to share everything I learned on a blog post but I’ll be sharing some key things that I hope will help you in key areas of your love life, beginning with your love life.

Are you ready???

Viva La Musica


I had an epiphany today: any attempt I make at a life without music is going to not only leave me miserable, it’s going to MAKE ME miserable. The last few months have been a music-less fog and I’ve gotta tell you, it was a cold, brutal slice of hell. No kidding!

Anyway, having this rather “duh” moment turned out to be a life saver. I feel a little more focused, a little more energized, and a little happier. Amen! Now I need to find, create or re-create a vision, expect the expected in this field and trust my musical future. I’m not there yet, but alas there’s a light at the end of the tunnel – and it’s not a train, haha.

Can you relate to any of this? Tell me about it. It’d be great to know that I’m not alone. 

Gardasil & Laziness


I found myself getting caught up in the Gardasil debate today. I was quite surprised because I had already made my decision about it a couple of years ago so I wasn’t even thinking about it, until I saw an article on Facebook about a researcher who couldn’t sleep at night knowing what she knew (http://southweb.org/lifewise/the-lead-vaccine-developer-comes-clean-so-she-can-sleep-at-night-gardasil-and-cervarix-dont-work-are-dangerous-and-werent-tested/), and then watched this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=0gCVCP8BFrU) and I just kind of lost it.

Ladies, parents of girls and really anyone with a female you love in your lifedo not take or give this ‘vaccine’. Even if it turns out to be the safest drug on earth, take your time because from what I’ve read & heard, the side effects last a very long time. Remember the drug that was given to many women in the 60s to help with their morning sickness but ended up costing them their fertility? If you don’t, google it. The cost of a long term side effect is higher than the cost of annual or bi-annual pap test until/unless you’re sure Gardasil et al is right for you. My personal rule is: if a drug hasn’t been on the market for 7-10 years, count me out. I’m not taking it.

As for laziness…that was my middle name today. My most taxing activity of the day was moving from one bum cheek to another, in search of a more comfortable position. Shamelessly😀

East West…I’m back!



I can’t believe it’s been this long since my last post. Why am I back, you ask? I ‘met’ a new friend today – Wolf. In short, he forbade me from giving up on my blog. He said I must write something, even on days when I feel I have nothing to say. It made sense, so here I sit, years after my last post.

This time round, I’ll be more open. I won’t sensor myself as much and will therefore say things that might be considered wrong, controversial or even naughty. Consider yourself warned – in as friendly a tone as possible.

In the spirit of being a little more open, here are a couple of things:

1. Let’s start with my name; it’s Maggie

2.  I’m a classically trained opera singer; a Mezzo-soprano to be exact. I will continue to use Mia for this blog, but that’s for sentimental reasons more than anything else

3. I’m currently living in East Africa.

4. I’m technologically challenged so it may take a while to post any of my musical work, but once I can figure it out, I will. I’ll also try to spruce up my blog, but again, I’m technologically challenged so be patient🙂

5. I just ate the yummiest snack. plantain + ginger milky tea. YUM *smacks lips*

OK, I think that’s a good start. I’ve shown you mine, now show me yours. Tell me something about you.

Letter to Luis Moreno Ocampo


Dear Mr. Ocampo, I hope this finds you well.

I am writing this letter regarding the matter of Kenya’s 6 most wanted criminals by the ICC. I would love to say that I’m writing on behalf of all Kenyans but alas, I wouldn’t want to presume. I feel that a letter is necessary because things seem to be getting worse and not better. I was concerned when I saw the 6 alleged murderers and rapists working very hard to avoid prosecution. I was concerned, but not enough to write to you. However, many weeks after your announcement, I am positively worried and losing sleep about it. I am worried sick that your once strong resolve to prosecute these alleged criminals to the fullest extent of international law – in accordance with the treaty that Kenya willingly signed – is weakening.

Sir, Kenyans have endured decades of impunity. Did you know, for example, that the last president was in power for over to two decades? There are those that call him a dictator while others loved him. What cannot be denied is that he put the country through what is colloquially termed as “hell”. All of this to say, Kenyans have unfortunately grown accustomed to impunity and a part and parcel of life.

That being said, this has simply gone too far! The Kenyan government has spent – and is planning to spend – obscene amounts of money to push their agenda against the ICC and in the defense of some of the accused. This, despite the fact that the ICC offers legal counsel to the accused at no cost to them. The government is using the country’s coffers to defend people who are accused of some of the worst crimes against humanity while their victims languish endlessly in IDP camps. In essence, the Kenyan government is using tax payer funds to pay for the defense of people accused of crimes against those very tax payers! It’s immoral, unfair, insulting, unjust and unethical, but they don’t care.

Dear Mr. Ocampo, please don’t abandon Kenya. If you hear nothing else I just said, hear this: Kenya NEEDS you. Kenyans need someone to stand up for them; someone who cannot be victimized by the local police or anyone else in the country for that matter; someone who cannot be bought. They need someone who isn’t easily swayed by politics. They need someone to remind their “leaders” and citizens that integrity matters. Sir, please push through with the process; do not be swayed by pressure from this or any other government. Do not let their whining get to you, do not let their cries of unfairness sway you to their side. Do not allow them to use you to get away with these crimes, if found guilty.

However, if you do feel yourself swayed by their arguments – because you are human after all – take a good long look at the victims of these crimes. Let their horror stories of rape, hunger, tears, insecurity, death, abandonment and fear move you to standing your ground. Let the Kenyan governments own decision to have the ICC pursue these cases remind you that you are within your mandate. Let the everyday, hard working Kenyan inspire you forward, for hard work and innovation will mean nothing should the country fall back into chaos. Keep in mind that Kenya is facing another presidential election next year. If they get away with this now, Kenya will never know peace because it will be clear that there will be no consequences for such brutal acts. Finally, remember too that should you allow them to wiggle their way out of this situation, they will be taking your credibility down with them. They will, in essence, be announcing that you too are for sale. That cannot be!

The accused are simply that: accused. Whether or not they’re guilty is for the ICC to decide; do your due diligence and let their attorneys do theirs and then may the chips fall where they may.

Dear Mr. Ocampo, Kenyans need to be reassured that the ICC can and does stand for justice for all; Kenyans need to see a justice system that actually works. I realize that I had not intended to speak on behalf of Kenyans, but it turns out that I did, for better or worse.

Sir, please do not abandon Kenya.



Happy long-long-after-Valentines Day


“We attract who we ARE not who we WANT”.

This has been one of my guiding phrases. I love it because it focuses the conundrum of love on you and not ‘those others’. Here’s the thought process: all your partners – former and current – have only one thing in common: you! You are the common denominator so if you are always attracting or attracted to a particular kind of person, then it’s up to you to explore if there is something in you that is similar to those characteristics that always appear in your love life.

I wouldn’t say that love is something you go out to find but I do think you must be ready for it; your heart needs to be fertile enough to receive it when and/if it shows up. That can’t happen if conditions are only perfect for the wrong kind of people; those who neglect, abuse, ignore, insult or take you for granted. If you’re needy, pushy, closed-off, bossy, boring….whatever it is, you need to know it. It’s not the end of the world if you’re those things, but my policy is “it’s best to know”. Furthermore, if you keep doing the same thing when it comes to love, then it stands to reason that you’ll keep getting the same results. Now is as good a time as any to try something different. Tweak something, change something and see if that changes your love patterns.

Now that the hullabaloo surrounding Valentine’s Day is past, I hope you will take the time to assess your love life. Think of it as taking your car (heart) for maintenance before a long road trip (your love life). There’s nothing to be ashamed or judgmental about and who knows, you may be pleasantly surprised. You may find that you’re always attracted to smart intelligent partners because you are a smart, intelligent person. You may also find gems of information, for example you’re attracted to unavailable partners because you yourself have an entire security system, complete with guard dogs, around your heart. While this may not feel like a gem, it actually is since it points you to a specific aspect of who are and gives you the opportunity to change it, or not.

I look forward to hearing from you. I truly hope you had a fantastic Valentines day but I hope even more, that the future of your love life is much more fantastic than just one day.