Here’s my advice:
Re #1: Crisis happen for a reason, kinda like a headache. That’s your bodies way of saying “something’s wrong.” So John, what’s wrong? What happened? What didn’t happen? Answer these simple questions and begin to see the light at the end of your tunnel (and I promise it’s not a train 🙂
Re #2: You’re angry. Go ahead. Say it loud, say it proud: My name is John and I”m angry. Pissed off! Is it the career change? Is it the invisibility? Is it your friends pointing out how “dude, wtf?”, is it Kate and her bossy ways? Are you wondering what happened to your balls? what happened to you? What happened to your dreams? Your hopes? Your contribution to your wife and children? Your looks? Your bod? Say it loud and say it proud John. Again, begin to answer these questions and see the light at the end of your tunnel (and again I promise it’s not a train 🙂 It’s your right to be pissed, but not to stay pissed. Hang in there…the light is coming but so is hard work
Re#3: Commitment is key. I might be the lone ranger on this one but I don’t believe in commitment to people. Why? Because people disappoint (case in point). I do however believe in commitment to commitment. Hang on, I’m not trying to talk you in circles. In other words, choose to stay committed regardless of what happens. It’ll basically force your hand to stay in the ugliness and ask for what you need and listen to what she needs. I mean, if you remain committed to being committed, eventually it pays off.
If you commit to someone (or people), I believe it’s a setup to fail because people, by their very nature, will always disappoint. You can take that to the bank. Get your feet, head and body in the game. Re-commit yourself to being committed to yourself, your wife and your children. It took a while to get here, it’ll take a while to get out of it.
Re#4: This is NOT going to go away, and thank God for that. Your children, lovely as they are, would take a toll on anyone. Why? Because 8 of anything is alot. 8 key lime pies, 24 hours a day 7 days a week? Honey, you’ll be in worse shape than pepto-bismal can fix. And your wife? I know you love her and so do I but honey…women! I’m one so I know: you can love us and wanna pull your hair out because of us at the very same time. As a friend sometimes tells me: “women are meant to loved, not understood.” Basically, we’re lovely creatures and God bless us but we can also turn an otherwise sane man into a confused mess. Not all the time, but it definitely happens (and the same applies to men too, btw).
John, this is a lot for anyone but it’s not going to go away – and I think you’ll be the better for it.
You’re tired and worn out for now but every night has a dawning. You can take THAT to the bank. Hang in there, and know that a lot of people are rooting for you and Kate to get better together as a couple.
Congrats, btw, on a wonderful family 🙂