Ok, so these last few weeks have been my own version of the Twilight zone. It feels as though Murphy and his damn laws have stuck to me like glue. Through all of this, I discovered that I am making myself crazy with this search for perfection.
We all know that nothing and no one’s perfect yet for whatever reason, some of us keep trying. A friend once said to me “I know I can’t be perfect, but sometimes I feel as though if only I tried hard enough, I could be.” We laughed but I knew that I too sometimes feel that way, no kidding. All this does is lead me to the “what’s wrong with me” road which inevitably leads to the hell-highway also known as “I’m a failure.” Oh but wait. There’s more. These last few weeks have turned this flaw in me (and I do think it’s a flaw) into a monster of an issue.
As though I don’t already have to deal with, what with Murphy and his dumb-ass laws, I am now berating myself for not handling my misfortune perfectly enough. Not just perfectly. Perfectly enough! Did you get that? Instead of supporting myself and letting others support me, I am berating myself for not being a perfect misfortune-handler!!! wtf?!?!?!
First all, “perfectly enough” for whom? No one else seems to hold me to this ridiculously high and impossible standard. I’m the one who has set this ridiculous and foolish standard and now I’m the one driving myself up the wall and into this hellish highway.
Why oh why do I do this to myself??? Is anyone else out there this insane or am I the only one?