Friendship & adversity

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This is a much talked-about subject, but I want to address it again due to recent events. These last two months, I have needed friendship in a way that I didn’t think I would. I have seen people offer to help with things I would never have thought to ask for. I have had friends do some incredibly thoughtful and even sweet things (e.g. a friend brought me her favorite stuffed animal from her father during a hospital stay “to keep me company.” That was sweet and unexpected. Another friend dropped what she was doing to come and meet me at the ER, where she stayed until I was sufficiently knocked out 🙂 She later came to help me pack up my place in preparation for an anticipated move. Incredibly thoughtful and kind) Like I said, I saw some of my friends in a whole new light during a time of crisis and great stress.

However, that same adversity showed me a different face on other friends. The details are irrelevant at this point. What IS relevant is this: is it true that we see people’s “true colors” during times of adversity? I know that we hear these phrases all the time but I have always resented them. However, lately I have been forced to look these statements dead in the face. I am still left to question, however, if they are accurate. Is it possible for someone to love you and value your friendship yet still do something awful? Is it possible for someone to mean well but be painfully absent during a crisis? Is it really fair to judge a friendship based on the action or inaction of the other party during a time of crisis. Is it possible to be a good friend yet not that great at handling hard times?

A friend said to me this morning, “Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.” She got it from a fortune cookie 😀 but it did get me thinking. (I’ve seen this on her e-mail signature before but today, after a long, friendly lecture on what friends can and simply CANNOT do to other friends, especially in crisis. She was right, btw. Friends don’t do friends ‘like that.’ but I digress.) She did get me thinking about that though: is it really true that adversity basically weeds out the wheat from the chaff among your friends? What if someone means well but is just not a good ‘crisis handler?’

While I do not waste precious time contemplating details of wrongs done, I would like to spend it in search of answers to these questions; in search of the truth about friendship, and what it means for those of us who value it oh-so-much. Food for thought…let’s eat! 🙂

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About miamor2111

I decided to stop watching life pass by and join in instead. This year is all about saying "yes" to life, opportunity and ideas thus this blog. Like many people, I've wanted to start a blog, and like many people I chickened out. In fact, this is my second serious attempt. Welcome aboard. I hope you enjoy taking this journey with me. Feel free to leave all sorts of comments, any time and I promise to do my best to reply. Feel free to compliment, complain, criticize, communicate...whatever floats your boat. See you soon :-)

4 responses »

  1. Great post. Lots to think about! I believe actions speak louder than words. I believe our choices speak for who we really are. I believe that if a person feels they can be my friend….they need to work with me…not against me. I hope you are feeling better. Thanks for stopping by my blog! 🙂

  2. You’re welcome Doraz. I do believe actions speak louder than words. I guess I’m just wary of being too harsh in judgment. I hesitate to release friendships without much thought and care, but in my particular case, I know that I must. What you said actually rings very true, and is precisely where I was stuck and am now unsticking myself.

    It’s one thing to “not be there” for you when you need it, it’s quite another to deliberately “work against you” or make a decision or action that is the opposite of helpful. Maybe you can’t help as much as you’d like but you don’t have to deliberately hurt. Please come back and visit often 🙂

  3. gr8 post.
    in my opinion, i know it’s hard but we can’t really hold someone for not being there when you need them especially when their reasons can be somewhat valid, but then again, if you put yourself in their shoes, do you see yourself making time to be there? If you do, then they are no good..LOL.

    I have had to weed out friends because adversity broke them, it’s hard but it’s what is best for you to continue to grow without and blossom without those weeds trying to get all your nutrients.

    • LOL. You got me at “if you put yourself in their shoes…” and honestly, I feel that I would be there for them. I really value and fiercely protect my friends and my friendships but recent events have shown me that those things may not always be reciprocated. I want friends that are loyal and protective and dependable and trustworthy and more because that’s the kind of friend I try to be and I believe I am (most times, if I may say so myself 🙂 ) Quality over quantity is definitely the way to go, and I learned in some painful ways but I’m also thankful for the learning opportunities (that’s what they’re called nowadays, btw)

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