Jane & Steve

Standard

I’ll jump right in and ask a question: when is enough, enough? At what point do you throw in the towel? At what point do you lay down your optimism and hard work and simply concede defeat? Check this (hypothetical) situation out:

Boy meets girl or in this case, boy’s clumsiness brings him smack dab into the eye view of girl. Long story short, boy asks for girl’s number and a fun adventure begins. Except that boy wasn’t exactly looking for a girl and neither was girl looking for a boy. For purposes of this hypothetical situation, let’s call girl Jane and boy Steve. So, Steve realizes that as much as he likes Jane, he’s not ready for a relationship. Apparently, he’s spent the last one year prior to Jane’s arrival hating women, courtesy of one who did him wrong. Then there’s Jane, who also wasn’t exactly looking for a relationship but her thing is, ‘he’s here so check him out and see if he’s worth the effort’. Roughly two months into this “thing” and things are at a standstill. A casual observer might say that they both feel they’re giving more than they initially intended or were willing to give, yet neither feels particularly satisfied. The same observer might say that Jane’s efforts toward Steve seem to be appreciated by Steve and they do seem to make a positive impact. However, Jane feels that Steve’s efforts aren’t exactly meeting her needs. An example would be time: Jane wants face time with Steve. Jane needs to feel that she matters enough to Steve that he would make an effort towards her by asking for her time, especially since she has proven time and time again that she is not after his money. To be fair, there isn’t much of it. He doesn’t have a job so much as he has a temporary gig. Steve on the other hand seems to feel like he’s happy with Jane’s input and he’s already putting in a lot of time to spend with her. On the phone! To be clear, Jane consistently states she wants face-time while Steve doggedly offers phone time. Typical male brain at work or a clear message that Jane should heed?

Let me also state for the record that every single meeting they’ve had has been due to Jane being in Steve’s neighborhood for one reason or the other. Two months into this “adventure” and Steve has yet to make any effort of his own to see Jane. Further complicating this tale of like-gone-wrong is Jane’s instinct, that 6th sense that all women are supposed to have. When she checks in with hers, it tells her that perhaps she should hang in there since when they do talk they’re happy, and this could be a valuable learning opportunity for her. In other words, she’s not convinced she should walk away (although truth be told, she’s slowly getting there).

I’m the casual observer so now you’re the casual observer. What do you think? Should Jane stay or leave? My own personal question is: why would a guy who’s so clearly happy with a catch like Jane not actually make the effort to see her? Another personal one: why don’t men listen? If she wants face time (which you seem to enjoy and ps: that’s not code for sex), then why not give it to her?

I’m eager to hear what you have to say so share your thoughts in the comments section. I look forward to them. Cheers!

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About miamor2111

I decided to stop watching life pass by and join in instead. This year is all about saying "yes" to life, opportunity and ideas thus this blog. Like many people, I've wanted to start a blog, and like many people I chickened out. In fact, this is my second serious attempt. Welcome aboard. I hope you enjoy taking this journey with me. Feel free to leave all sorts of comments, any time and I promise to do my best to reply. Feel free to compliment, complain, criticize, communicate...whatever floats your boat. See you soon :-)

4 responses »

  1. I think the hypothetical scenario with Jane and Steve is not uncommon, and no matter what either of them does they will undoubtedly look back and wonder how life would have gone had they made the other choice. Situations where the male tries to avoid commitment while the female seem more wired for it seem like something that is best dealt with by finding common non-threatening situations that involve face time. I think Jane should try to find places Steve would feel natural and it would seem awkward to decline. Maybe she could discern his inclinations and feelings or lack of them there.

    • Panty Buns, I totally agree. It’s my understanding that Jane suggested a mutual place that Steve agreed to, except that he never followed through on. I don’t think this is going to go how Jane wants it to go. On the other hand, would that be such a bad thing? I mean, life is hard enough without having to convince someone to like you and appreciate you, right? If it’s not natural then maybe they should call it a day? Anyway, let’s see what these two do. Great hearing from you 🙂

  2. Sounds like Steve likes having Jane as a phone buddy and probably not much more. Jane seems to enjoy Steve but is feeling unfulfilled with phone talk only, totally understandable. If I were Jane, I would keep talking to Steve if I am ok with what he can offer, I’ve learned that people are hard to convince to care in different ways unless THEY WANT to. Now if this is troubling Jane and causing hours of analysis, I suggest no time better time then now to have a simple conversation of “this is cool, but I want more. Steve if you can’t offer that, I appreciate your honesty, but I won’t be contacting you anymore. I’ll be making space for someone who would want to spend time with me the way I want to spend time with him. Toodles!”

    • LOL Assi @ “Toodles” 🙂 I agree with you about Jane’s feelings and I think she’d probably take option B since clearly she needs face-time, which Steve isn’t offering. I think Steve is complicating matters by constantly sending her mixed signals. I’m not sure if he’s genuinely confused or he’s just caught in a “I don’t want her but I don’t want some other guy to get her either”. Let’s see what these two do. Watch this space for an update.

      In other news, how are you? I’ve missed you so much!

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